


a world without you

by spacebutterfly



Series: Daily Life of a Terrorist [2]
Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebutterfly/pseuds/spacebutterfly
Summary: Miyagi had already experienced loss once. He wasn't ready to experience it again.
Relationships: Miyagi Yoh/Takatsuki Shinobu
Series: Daily Life of a Terrorist [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173308
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	a world without you

It was as if the Earth itself had stopped turning. 

Was it possible that people were just going about their lives as usual, as if nothing had happened at all? As if for them, the world was not ending?

“Miyagi,” said the dean solemnly, lightly touching his shoulder, more like a father consoling his son than a boss addressing subordinate. “There’s nothing more they can do now.”

“That can’t be,” Miyagi exclaimed, breaking his arm out of the older man’s grip. His heart already felt like lead - inside, he had already accepted the inevitable, but all the wound up tension was pushing its way out. “I have to see him-”

“It’s over,” said the dean, his voice suddenly final, as if this were just another work matter.

For a parent to have to speak in such a way about their own child…

...Was that Miyagi’s fault, too?

“I need to see him,” he said again, barely keeping his voice level. The dean sighed deeply.

“Of course, I can’t stop you,” he said. “If that’s what you need to do.” His expression was crushingly empty. “I’m going to call Risako.”

Miyagi nodded, probably - the next few moments passed by like some awful dream, like he was watching the actions unfold instead of actually doing them himself. A nurse let Miyagi into the room, and he was shown to the bed where _he_ lay. That this could possibly happen again had been the stuff of Miyagi’s darkest nightmares, but he had never _truly_ believed that it would happen like this. There was no way that fate could be so cruel, he had thought. 

If anything, shouldn’t he himself have been the first to go?

Miyagi’s closed the distance between himself and the bed. Shinobu’s face, so peaceful that he could be sleeping. Hair golden in the sunlight trickling in through the window, lips slightly parted. Eyelids closed. Firey grey eyes that he’d never meet again.

Miyagi’s head felt light, and the room distant.

“Mr Miyagi-” said one of the nurses suddenly, before apparently being silenced by one of the others. Miyagi hadn’t realised until then just how cold and prickly his skin felt, like he’d just bathed in ice. Judging by the nurse’s reaction, he must have looked as awful as he felt.

“I’m fine,” came the sound of his own voice from somewhere. “I’m fine.”

When he finally peeled his gaze away from Shinobu’s face, everything seemed out of focus. He was gripping his own arms as tightly as could be, but he couldn’t feel them. The nurses and doctors were talking again, but he couldn’t really hear them. The room felt so far away.

_I can’t do it again. Not this time._

_I love you, Shinobu. Even if I can never talk to you again, never hold you again, never kiss you again…_

_Even if you’re gone, I love you. I won’t ever forget you. I won’t ever stop loving you._

_***_

Miyagi woke up with a start, sitting bolt upright (and nearly putting his back out in the process). The first thing he noticed was that he was in his own room, in his own bed. Remembering what had just happened, cold dread washed over him. He patted Shinobu’s side of the bed instinctively, but it was empty. His heart started to race. “Shinobu?” He called tentatively, but there was no reply. “Shinobu!”

He hadn’t been dreaming. The nightmare was real. He felt sick and cold for the second time that evening.

Just then, somebody stomped their way over to the doorway.

“What the hell are you yelling for?! I just went to pee,” came a grumpy voice from just inside the room. Moments later Shinobu flopped into a sitting position beside him. “What, do I need your permission to go the bathroom or something?” Miyagi just stared, before feeling the most beautiful sense of relief.

It had been a dream. Of _course_ it had. Why would Shinobu have been in hospital? That kind of thing hadn’t ever happened at all. The kid hardly ever even caught colds!

“Don’t blank me!” Shinobu snapped, nudging Miyagi’s side. The elder had never felt more glad to hear the kid’s irritable voice, or to feel his elbow jutting into his gut. “Answer! You’re creeping me out!”

Unable to quite formulate words, Miyagi snaked an arm around Shinobu’s waist and pulled him close, running his other hand through his hair, relishing in the boy’s resulting sounds of confusion and dissent. He was still here, still breathing, his body warm and his hair soft…

“Seriously,” said Shinobu, with more of a worried tone than an angry one now. He wrapped his arms around Miyagi as if by instinct. “What is it? You had a bad dream or something?”

“Look at me, getting all worked up over a dream at my age. It should be the other way around,” The older man laughed quietly.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Shinobu pulled back irritably, but his expression was soft as he stared up at the older man. “What happened? Why did you call my name?”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Miyagi gruffly. He’d already decided to block that dream out of his mind. It had felt far too real, and he’d had enough of these awful experiences in real life already without adding that to it.

Miyagi had expected the kid to be more persistent about getting an answer, but he seemed to give in. “As long as you’re OK,” he murmured, leaning into Miyagi’s shoulder. “...If you ever have any other weird dreams you can wake me if you want.”

“Thank you,” Miyagi murmured back, but he knew he probably wouldn’t take up the offer. “Hopefully I won’t have to.”

“Exactly. Don’t go having stupid dreams about me dying or whatever,” said Shinobu, his voice suddenly sharp.

“I never said-- It was just-- anyway, I can’t help what I dream about!!” Miyagi growled, tightening his grip on the boy without meaning to. But he couldn’t stay irritated for more than a few seconds. It felt too good to hold him. “...What time is it? Don’t you have class tomorrow? You should get back to sleep.”

“It’s fine,” said Shinobu softly, not budging from their embrace. Miyagi was about to challenge that - he wouldn’t be fine without enough sleep at all - but then realised that the kid was extending an offer of comfort. His cheeks felt warm. He wasn’t used to the kid being affectionate in a subtle way.

“But let’s lie back down at least,” Miyagi suggested, to which they did. Shinobu reattached himself to his middle immediately afterwards. Miyagi held him close. The world in his dream felt so far away now. He wanted to be able to be with Shinobu like this forever…

“Your chest is really soft,” the kid murmured, evidently falling asleep already, by the sounds of things.

“Excuse me?!”

“It’s a compliment…”

“I don’t appreciate it!!”

Miyagi Yoh, 36 years of age. Still had nightmares, and got teased by a kid half his age. That was his life now.

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking at my Google Drive and I found this which I wrote in 2016 but never posted?! Take it as it is...


End file.
